OK so in light of another thread, I have got to thinking. (I know, weird)
Lately I have had some friends approach me about how unfair our family treats our RAD child. I am sad about the reality of this accusation but.....I am even more saddened at the fact that DD wants us to, and sets us up to treat her unfairly just so that she can play the victim to onlookers. So we are wrong, but she is glad.
I was told by a friend who goes outside to smoke that while he is out there he hears the boys (bios) saying things to DD like "you are the adopted one" and other such comments. These comments are definatly NOT condoned and all the kids know it. But DD is using it to to max. She knows how to frustrate her brothers to the point of them saying it...She also knows our friend is on the deck smoking and can hear...She ALSO knows how to frustrate the boys without the friend hearing or seeing it.
Now I think that comment from the boys in particular was an extreme as in they normally do not say that but I am certain that they do say other things that are still not OK to be saying to people like "get lost" or "can't you play somewhere else"
DD knows every single weakness of every person in this family and she knows how to get the goat of every single outsider that comes in. She knows how to send me into a tail spin right in front of company without them seeing or hearing her do a thing. So if she loves it when we get upset then is the answer to just repeatedly tell her we love her when she is silently pulling her stunts? That would tick her off. Just thinking about this exhausts me. I am sad it is like this.