Sunday, March 29, 2009

OK so in light of another thread, I have got to thinking. (I know, weird)

Lately I have had some friends approach me about how unfair our family treats our RAD child. I am sad about the reality of this accusation but.....I am even more saddened at the fact that DD wants us to, and sets us up to treat her unfairly just so that she can play the victim to onlookers. So we are wrong, but she is glad.
I was told by a friend who goes outside to smoke that while he is out there he hears the boys (bios) saying things to DD like "you are the adopted one" and other such comments. These comments are definatly NOT condoned and all the kids know it. But DD is using it to to max. She knows how to frustrate her brothers to the point of them saying it...She also knows our friend is on the deck smoking and can hear...She ALSO knows how to frustrate the boys without the friend hearing or seeing it.
Now I think that comment from the boys in particular was an extreme as in they normally do not say that but I am certain that they do say other things that are still not OK to be saying to people like "get lost" or "can't you play somewhere else"

DD knows every single weakness of every person in this family and she knows how to get the goat of every single outsider that comes in. She knows how to send me into a tail spin right in front of company without them seeing or hearing her do a thing. So if she loves it when we get upset then is the answer to just repeatedly tell her we love her when she is silently pulling her stunts? That would tick her off. Just thinking about this exhausts me. I am sad it is like this.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Malaya Kylie Barendregt

6 weeks old already. I have few pictures of her thanks to camera battery issues. I did buy new batteries now but I am not sure if they made it into the camera. Here are some early pictures:
OK I really need to get an updated picture, she looks very different now.
Malaya is seriously the easiest baby in the whole world. We love her so hard!!!! She has had a stupid cold since she was 1 week old and just when I thought the cold was gone, it seems to have flared up again. She was choking and gagging on crap thats coming out of her lungs. This sucks for her. I am going to try to get her in to see the doctor today.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Christmas has been great! Charissa is struggling a lot with the routine being all out of whack but I hope she and I can fall back in quickly as soon as school returns. I wish she would learn that being out of control is ok and mom and dad will take care of her no matter what. I wish she would learn that even though we are out of routine, mom and dad still have control of life and all will be well. I don't think that will ever happen though. I think I need to learn that she will never, ever get it.

We try to keep her routine the same but it is difficult. She just becomes angry that she has to do her jobs. She becomes silently, deeply bitter if we put her to bed on time when the boys are able to stay up a little later so we let her stay up with them and then she is tired as well as angry because the routine is messed up and she is unable to process in her mind what is coming next which leads her to feel out of control. When she feels out of control, she will go above and beyond to feel like she has control again and that can be costly or hurtful or who knows what. I wish I knew how and when she will strike.

Its a no win situation for us and for her. I am not sure which is the better angriness from her. Either way when she wants to show us her silent anger then she will do so and there is nothing I can do about it.

Otherwise we had such a great Christmas break. Pete was off a lot which was a treat for the whole family, even Charissa. Again it is not routine so this requires some processing for her which is difficult but on the whole we all enjoyed having Daddy spend extra time with us.

The kids Christmas presents were at an all time low this year due to having taken vacation to Grand Cayman in November. Also there was nothing that I could think of to buy the kids. They have everything their little hearts desire. They did get some goggles and socks etc. They seemed a little miffed leading up to Christmas but they were still so greatful for what they did have and that made me happy. I think they loved the fact that we had so much time to snowmobile etc. Both boys remarked on how this was the best Christmas ever. No remarks from Charissa but that is normal. I have no way of knowing whether she is happy or sad, ever. I wish i did.

I need to make a plan for Jolenes baby on Monday. I have been unable to get a hold of anyone for over a week. I will start with Stacy first thing. I am DREADING the whole adoption agency thing and what Evelyn the B!%(# is going to do to destroy me. Her unprofessionalism is extraordinary and unfortunatly it is effecting me. Oh well we will just have to build a huge case with the professionals that know me. Hopefully there is not so much that Evelyn can do because this is a private adoption.